i woke up today with what felt like every ounce of energy drained from me, it was impossible to even get out of bed. i finally managed to get out of there at around 2pm and so far everything is just pointing to the realization that getting out of bed was a bad idea.

im in the library and basically feel like im a few seconds away from an anxiety attack. everyones voices just seem to pile up and leak into my head, i cant quite seem to really focus on what is in my head, everything is just so overpowering. yes, maybe it was a bad idea getting out of bed.

its on days like this that i really hate most other people, i would just love to walk up to them and slit my wrists in front of their faces, sort of like a big fuck you – your existence hurts me so much that i would rather die than live in a world that you inhabit. but logically i know that this is all just a stupid result of some abnormal activity in my brain, so i dont. please dont take what i said just now incorrectly, im not suicidal – if i was trust me i would have done it a long long time ago.

oh well, i guess today (this week? month?) will be another rough one, im starting to get very tired of these, mind you my manic periods definitly arent getting any better either. they seem to be lasting only a few days and leave me feeling empty and tired.

i wish i had a boat


~ by foreverandnever on December 11, 2006.

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