in just under four weeks im getting on a plane headed for paris. i dont know when i will be returning but right now the plan is to eventually (when i grow tired of europe or just just hungry for new adventure) go to asia by way of the trans-mongolian and work my way by down and eventually end up in the philippians where i have a place i can stay for a while right on the beach.

this whole journey is really just my response to everything that i find myself thinking about and considering important here. ive been out of school for a year now and discover that staying in a degree i had no interest in anymore was a bad idea. actually going for the degree to begin with was a bad idea. this coupled together with the wonderful financial situation i find myself in because of said degree makes the idea of “running away” seem very romantic and logical. before i went to school i really thought that continuing my education and doing what authority figures recommended would open up the world to me – turns out it really just gives you access to the same world that they live in.

so that decided it, a one-way tip to europe with very few plans. i’ve saved up as much as i could since quiting my stupid laser job and i figure that i can survive for as long as i need to.

i have been finding myself more and more distracted by little things and have found that it is getting harder and harder to not get frustrated by little annoying things: someone telling me something which is obvious or common sense, times when i feel someone is berating me, etc. it happens at work at home and everywhere else i am which makes me think it is not them but me who is just overly sensitive. at the same time i am finding myself very “antzy”, ideas of moving to new mexico sometimes grab me, or travelling europe or really anything that is not here. what makes this all worse is whenever i try to tell someone about how i feel i just end up feeling either silly or that their response is another attempt at belittling me. i am getting tired or constantly trying to keep myself from getting seriously depressed and do not really understand why i am bothering. why not let myself sink as deep as i possibly can? isnt it inevitable anyways?

maybe its best to start with the end of my day. office wheely chairs race through obstacle course finishing with people smashing into big boxes.  before that playing with laser projectors and staring into crazy patterns of laser fun while making jokes about being high, all the while chatting with people about cool laser projects they have going on. i generally through a day talk to hobbiests, researchers, teachers, engineers, and a whole lot of things in between, even awesome artists. right now im working with a canadian artist living in spain making this awesome piece to go on display which has this awesome laser shining through the center with smoke circling around it.

i know i cant stay here forever, i do need to eventually find something better as far as improving my financial standings. but right now i must say im pretty content.

well i am still living in toronto, and basically most if not all of my time has been put into working on my place. The job is still going great and i love it, i basically am being paid to play with lasers – and although the entry level position is not something i want to do for very long it will be difficult to find another job that will ever be this comfortable and relaxed, so i am going to stay here for a bit i think.

As far as my place is concerned, things are going great. it is hard to believe we have only been there a few weeks and so much has gotten done. ill throw some pictures up to give an idea.

this is about three or four days after moving in, as you can see its a bit disorganized but the walls are coming up in the back corner there.

most of the drywall is up

but just check out those windows, in the afternoon when the sun comes it is is so amazing. These pictures are about 2 weeks old, and since then we have gotten almost all the walls primed, painted the bathroom (its awesome), and I have done a whole lot of electrical. next i guess is painting the main walls and sanding the hardwood floor. after only 3 weeks the place looks so much different and i am already so comfortable there.

that it has been a while

a week, or so

that i imagined throwing myself infront of it

is this what it is to be happy?

i dont want to give too many details about my job yet, but its for a laser research company here in the city. they design all sorts of lasers from handhelp pointers, to scientific laboratory ones. really i just think it will be fun to be able to play with lasers all day long.

i remember a long time ago i was laughed at for asking about death rays and their possible construction in a physics class… who’s gonna be laughing now

chow

first off, here is a picture of the loft i move into in march:

im so in love with the place, i know it doesnt look like much right now, but it has so much potential and is exactly the type of place i wanted. i cant wait to get to be able to start building the place the way i want it.

other than that a lot of other things are going on. but im a running a little late and it will have to wait until  the next time i feel like posting (who knows when that will be)

im in toronto now, staying with annie and it looks like kyle and i are getting this beautiful loft space for march (its an amazing space). currently half convincingly looking for work and just not letting myself get stressed out.

there are times, when im walking around the city when i wonder if i really want to be here. but the truth of the situation is that i dont have to many choices and i have a lot of friends here which actually makes it pretty fun. its been nice hanging out with annie and soon rebekah comes back and there is always kyle.

i just dont know if this is me or not, hopefully i will eventually find a job cause this is sorta boring not having one.

the problem is, everytime i resort to heavy drinking to solve my problems i always end up realizing at the end that my problems are still there and really all i got out of it is another contibution to my ulcer.

so here is where i am situated. i most likely am getting a studio apartment with kyle for feb. but before that i have quite a bit of time to do whatever i want, and i really do not want to think about a job yet – so travelling sounds like a good plan. i have a friend in brazil whom i have already contacted and he said i am more than welcome to come visit him while im working my way south through brazil to go travel through the rainforests for a bit. my other plan in malta, the reason malta is interesting to me is because i know nothing about it really – a good friend of mine mentioned it a long time ago and since then it has always sort of been in the back of my mind. i know there are tons of places i could go, and really searching around the internet doesnt help because i could easily just think of many places i have always wanted to go see, but when it comes down to it i know wherever i go i will have a good time. the problem is deciding where and if i should go. is this just me running away from my problems or is it actually a good idea?